Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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