i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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