Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
