Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
