listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
