"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
