Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
