i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
