a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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