oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
