He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
