my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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