Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
