We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
