You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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