I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
