this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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