in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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