never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize