you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize