but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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