Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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