i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
