my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize