I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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