your thong is hanging out like whoa
Buhtt sex?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
