16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
