'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize