She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
