i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
