So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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