It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You have to summon your inner elephant
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
