Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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