A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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