I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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