We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
