I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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