..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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