hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
