That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
