I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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