Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
