the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
