So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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