There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
