The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
