'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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