I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
