So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
