Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
