How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she smelled like a LAN party
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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