Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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