Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
