I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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