So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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