the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
