We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
