Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
