don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
