my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The air was thick with penises
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
