He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
