I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
