dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
