I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my shit smells like andre
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
