Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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