i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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