I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
